A Facebook Relationship Status

A Facebook  Relationship Status

We attempt to do here something deplorable, unpleasant, faulty and a little unorthodox- become the guiding force in the lives of Facebook users by becoming the “Miss Manners” of Facebook Relationship Statuses.

In an attempt to do the impossible, that is, to apply good manners to a public networking website, we’ve created simple guidelines to prevent some awful situations.

“Just put it on Facebook and call it a day!”

A relationship status has morphed from simple fact to a cause of drama, pain, annoyance, and endless notifications. There are nine options:

1. Single
2. In a Relationship
3. Married
4. Divorced
5. In an Open Relationship
6. Engaged
7. Widowed
8. Separated
9. It’s Complicated

These nine options on a drop-down menu have come to dictate our lives; some have even been known to turn away from just-blossoming relationships because of the other party’s dislike of “making it Facebook official”.  Here’s some suggestions:

1. “Single”- Only do this if you are actually single, it’s highly discouraged to end a relationship with your significant other through Facebook—that stuff just hurts..
2. “In a Relationship”- Many people have differing opinions as to what this actually means, and when it becomes okay to use it. Ranging anywhere from updating the status moments after it happens to never making the hyperlink to the other person’s profile public; relationships are stressful enough without the propulsion of the public arena. A suggestion of a way to avoid potential public trauma is to wait a few days, maybe a few weeks, to make sure that the relationship passes the durability test and there won’t be a heart that says “Single” just as fast as it showed that you were “In a Relationship”; because putting up a status at a relationship’s start… also means taking it down at its end.
3. “Married”- Popular culture demonstrates that nowadays, having a “Facebook Hubby” or “Wifey” in our age demographic is nothing more than a sign of good humor and satire. For some, it signifies the connection between best friends or a simple joke that got translated into the “Book of Faces”.
4. “Engaged”, “Widowed”, or “Divorced”- Similar to “Married”, most relationship statuses under these features are just a part of a gag; contrary to popular belief, our generation does still have a sense of humor.
5. “It’s Complicated”, “In an Open Relationship” or “Separated”- Bottom line, don’t post it. We promise that it’s better that way, unless you want Bobby and Sue asking you what’s wrong in your relationship with Billy and then Billy’s football buddies asking him if he’s single (so he can go mingle). Keep your relationship problems off of the public sphere, or risk adding in an entirely unnecessary commentary.

Hopefully this helps avoid any future Facebook disasters. That’s all for now, ‘bookers!