Zombie Ant Apocalypse!

Mind-controlled, decaying bodies trail the rainforest floor of Brazil, as much alive as they are dead. This epidemic has appalled the media world, shaken humanity’s imagination, and created non-stop nightmares which haunt me in the silence of the night.

Throughout cinematic history, zombies made a large impact on horror films. Children disguise themselves as the walking dead on Halloween, watch films starring gory monsters, and some (such as myself) spend hours shooting down “NAZI ZOMBIES!” in popular video games. However, the thought of an actual zombie apocalypse never occurred as a realistic possibility, until now….

Little, donut-like spores of fungi attach to the dead bodies of ants in the Zona de Mata region of Brazil and infect the deceased brains, forcing the ant into doing the fungi’s bidding….MIND CONTROL! When the fungi feels that it is no longer strong enough to survive, it will position itself so that the bacteria may maliciously spread after death; the ant usually dies for a second time while biting plants and other organisms.

Scientists and biodiversity experts predict that the fungi will eventually spread to mosquitos. Since this is a new virus, there are no cures if a human were to be bitten by a zombie ant or other infectious organisms. Instead of becoming werewolves, a new breed of violence-lusting zombies will erupt. These mosquitos will transmit the fungal disease to humans and the world’s worst nightmare will become reality: a zombie apocalypse!

I’ve already watched Zombieland at least 20 times in preparation and created a force-field of bug repellent around my whole block due to my ridiculous obsession with preventing zombie mosquitos from infecting myself and my family. Off! and Raid are my best bet to the blockage of monstrous insects.

Helping my obsession, global warming might cause an abrupt end or cease to the disease. Dry conditions and heat kill off the spores and disinfect their victims. There is much hope for eliminating the fungi, but those who do not believe in global warming are out of luck.  Stock up on Flame Throwers and candles just in case global warming is a fluke.

In the meantime, gather your canned foods, increase your flare supply, and join pacts (that include living dead experts) while you can. Zombies just might be on the horizon…..or are they already on the hunt….